i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
