my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
