I wish I could punch you in the face.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We had to coat check the pizza.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
