Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
