I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
