youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you didnt know i had herpes?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
