The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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