What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
