Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
