JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
