i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
