Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
