I hate all girls vehemently.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A bitchslap is in order.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize