I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
this hospital has no fireball
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
