I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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