you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
