hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
