Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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