Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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