why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
