she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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