I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
