They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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