Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My dick has a subreddit
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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