I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Damn victory sex feels great
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