so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
