it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
