People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
