the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
