There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
