so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
