I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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