Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
