I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
no you cant smoke seaweed
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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