Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
