dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
