Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
