is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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