he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
