watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.