is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
