next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
