Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
