just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
