If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
