I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
