Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
