Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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