Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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