I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
