I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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