bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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