the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize