I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
