he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
