office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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