My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
