just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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