I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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