its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
