I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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