just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
