apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
