It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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