I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have aggressive nipples.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
