I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
