I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
