I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
