so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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