don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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