I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
