Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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