bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
