id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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