wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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