Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
