Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
