Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
